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Updated: Sep. Have you ever felt like you don't know how to tell your yuor or girlfriend something is bothering you without them getting upset or shutting you down? It's OK.
Deep questions to ask your girlfriend
Truth is, it happens to the best of us. But it doesn't youd to. If you're in a committed relationship, you should feel comfortable talking to your partner about anythingespecially the things that bother you. You can't expect your partner to discern every thought that goes through your mind, even if they are exceptionally attentive to your needs.
You owe it to them and to your relationship to speak up if sbout doesn't feel right. Anita Chlipala, d marriage and family therapistsays, "If you want a serious, long-term relationship with this person, there really shouldn't be anything that is off the table, so to speak.
I don't mean saying whatever you want as harshly as you want. Not that.
But I do mean that you should be able to approach your partner with any concerns and be listened to. How can you initiate a conversation about your relationship fears without upsetting or worrying your partner? Shutterstock When delivering bad news, it's always a good idea to preface it with something positive.
For example, if you want to tell your partner that you think they party too muchstart the conversation by saying, "I love spending time with you because we always have so much fun together. Next, you can add that you'd like to try new things together that might be just as fun as going out to the club; maybe make a joke about seeing them in the daylight if you think they'd appreciate it.
Sometimes, humor is a useful tool to disarm your partner if you sense they might react defensively to what you have to say. Although this strategy allows you to ease into the conversation more casually, don't be afraid to get more direct about your concerns as the conversation progresses.
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Chlipala says, "You can't go in thinking you don't want to upset your partner. Conflict is inevitable — and healthy — in a relationship. Some of my clients think short-term not wanting to hurt their partner and miss the long-term implications of keeping quiet, namely being unsatisfied in the relationship or feeling disconnected from their partner and unsure about his or her feelings.
Find a balance between protecting your partner's feelings and validating your own. What should you do if your partner is reluctant to listen to your relationship fears? Few people enjoy receiving negative feedback, especially in a romantic relationship where complaints can feel more personal than ever.
Strengthen your relationship with these deep questions to ask your girlfriend | betterhelp
Don't be surprised if your partner is reluctant to listen attentively to your concerns at first. More than likely, this is a defense mechanism because they feel insecure or embarrassed about the situation. Chlipala recommends trying to have this conversation more than once and in multiple ways. For example, if you first bring this up in person and you find that your partner has very little to say in response, try revisiting the topic over text after a few days.
By now, your partner would have had some time to think about what you've shared with them and responding via text might come more naturally than face-to-face. And sometimes people don't know how to respond or what to do with the information that you shared, so it's OK to coach them about what you need," she explains.
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Sometimes, people fear the result of a difficult conversation like this will inevitably be breaking up, so they aren't always eager to get into it right away. This is when your ability to ease into the conversation girlfeiend reassuring your girlcriend that you'd like to work on the problem rather than avoid it — is important. Of course, Rhings notes, "If they continually minimize or brush off your concerns, you may want to consider ending the relationship or going to counseling. Shutterstock If you tell your partner that you're afraid they won't be able to commit to you long-term and they agree, you might be ready to call it quits.
Before you do, Chlipala's advice is to make a commitment to have an ongoing dialogue.
As you continue to work through your relationship problems with your partner, know that things will only get better if you both have an end goal in mind. Once you've explained your concern to your partner, you should both agree on what you think can be done differently in the future.
As time progresses, check in with each other to see if thongs have really changed and if you feel any better about the future of your relationship. This article was originally published on March 12,